Sunday, 3 November 2013

It's been a while...

Hello and a very good morning, noon and night to one and all wherever you may be!

I am very aware that I abandoned my blog for a while. It has been one heck of a year and I cannot believe it is almost over! I have been through a range of emotions this year - from the relief of starting a new job (back in January), to the stress of being stupidly busy and run down by said job, but nonetheless it's been a goodun'. My well earned annual leave begins tomorrow and I am not back at work properly now for 2 weeks... although I am sure that it will fly by and I won't necessarily be any more relaxed as my partner and I are preparing to buy a house.

It hit me the other day that actually, I am rather 'grown up'. My mind keeps telling me that I am still 23, but every time I look in the mirror I think to myself 'another day older and still got a lot of growing up to do' (I am 27 in little over a week). Then I think that buying a house for the very first time is a massive deal. Maybe I have become a more mature individual. I mean after all, I have graduated from university, been through the motions of having to find another job and already pay bills. The comforts of my mom's cooking seems like a distant memory. Living in London for just over seven years has meant that I have had to stand on my own two feet with everything - not such a daunting task anymore.

Currently I work at a university - I look at the Freshers' coming in to the new academic year, they appear shy and timid and some don't look much younger than I do... then it hits me, I have a good seven years on most of them. It is strange to think that when I was a student I expected to graduate and walk straight into a job (even if we were entering a recession). Obviously this didn't happen, but as a student and graduate, you kind of take it for granted that you are still within this system, a sort of protective bubble. Once you graduate, after a month or two, that bubble suddenly bursts and you get a weird 'oh shit' moment when you realise that you are on your own to fend for yourself in a competitive job market. Honestly, I didn't think I would end up working in the role that I am currently in (I had never even heard of the role before), but I can tell you that I have met some of the most interesting (in both good and bad senses of the word) and fascinating people in just 10 months.

It's been a whirlwind six months - I have thought about everything. I have analysed my life, where I am, where I want to be and how to get what I want... I am still searching for these answers and instead of wading through haze and reaching a new form of clarity, I seem to have confused myself more and continue to pass through muddy waters. There was a short time where I was thinking and worrying about death - it was sinister. It wasn't anything in particular - just horrible thoughts about losing those that matter most around me. No matter how much I tried to keep my mind off it, occasionally it would creep up on me as if it was preying on my thoughts - hungry to force me to face the realities of life. The strange thing is that I have never been one who has been remotely concerned about death - it is part of life and I have to say that when it is my time to go, I will be gone. There is nothing that anybody can do about it - but it is different when I consider my own fate, this doesn't upset me one bit. It is when the death of loved ones creeps up on me that it completely throws me into this weird abyss of thoughts that I really do not want to be thinking. That said, it also makes me realise how lucky I am to have the people that I have in my life.

Perhaps it is because I am getting older, and I guess I am adding to my life experience as I go along that I am reflecting more on every aspect of my life. I have to say that I have been very fortunate - and even though I haven't done what I set out to do and my plans have changed, I feel incredibly privileged to have so many amazing people in my life who have got some fascinating stories to share. I am looking forward to making my own stories and memories to share with new generations... I mean come on, I still remember the days of the 'cassette tape', 'VH' and 'dial-up internet' - I bet that the 'Beliebers' of the world have never even heard of 'dial-up'.

I think I will leave my ramblings here for one evening. It's getting late, and really this post has no relevance whatsoever, but if you take anything away from this post it should be this - live life one day at a time, but remember your roots, remember the growth of your roots and remember every branch that flourished because of those roots. Nothing is forever, but cherish your memories however distant they may appear.

Over and out. Weez

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